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WellRed You Can Check Out Any Time You Like, But You Can Never Leave
For the last several weeks, my family has been consumed with caring for my mother in the hospital. (Christmas? Schmistmas.) While she is not out of the woods just yet, and I cannot go into the details of her health here, I feel that I have to share just a few of the nuggets of wisdom I have picked up over the last several days and nights spent in, as my mom is now calling it, Hotel California.
As with any blog, consider these “rules” my own personal opinion, a product of my own horrific personal experiences, and be aware that they might turn out to be horse puckey. Always check with your personal physician before doing anything that could affect your health. (If, unlike us, you can find him.) Rule No. 1: Don’t go into the hospital if at all possible. Ever. Be healthy. Rule No. 2: If you elect for a surgery, never agree to a date the week of Christmas, unless you are willing to give up both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, as well as New Year’s and possibly Valentine’s Day. Rule No. 3: If your doctor does not exhibit great communication skills before surgery, don’t expect him to become Ann Landers post-surgery. Rule No. 4: If you happen to leave the hospital only to return hours later to be re-admitted via the emergency room, expect everyone in the hospital to treat you as if they’ve never seen you in their life. And don’t assume they will review your medical history — even if that history is only one day old and occurred within their very walls. Rule No. 5: Always call your doctor before and after dismissal and re-admittance into the hospital. That way, they can’t point fingers at the other doctors and scream, “But he/she didn’t tell me you were in the hospital!” Rule No. 6: If, three days post-op you haven’t heard from your original surgeon, CALL HIM/HER. This is the most important lesson I’ve learned, aside from the fact that you need your own personal salt shaker if forced to eat more than one meal from hospital cafeterias. Rule No. 7: Speaking of cafeterias, don’t expect them to be open when you are badly in need of: a cup of coffee, a banana to help your potassium levels, or a bottle of water. Rule No. 8: If a doctor says, “Don’t worry, this procedure won’t hurt a bit,” demand morphine immediately. Especially if it involves chest tubes. Rule No. 9: If you are not happy with the service you are receiving, ask for the head nurse and make sure your meanest aunt is nearby to give them what for. Aunts don’t play. Rule No. 10: Never expect your various doctors to talk to each other, or to be able to read each other’s handwriting in your chart. Consider them like government agencies and remember, the FBI never talks to the CIA, who likes to pretend there’s no such thing as Homeland Security. Happy Hospitaling! Trackback(0)
Comments (2)
  written by vickie, January 16, 2010
Sorry to hear about your mother's experience ... having spent a few days in the hospital as a patient and with loved ones, I totally understand. Thank God not all hospital/doctor experiences are horrific. There are many fine men and women in the medical profession. I certainly hope your mother recovers and never has to make another trip to Hotel California!
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